


body to the lonely (i've never known a man who loved me)

by icedmachinery, icemachine



Category: Doom Patrol (TV)
Genre: Gen, MAJOR word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26518291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedmachinery/pseuds/icedmachinery, https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemachine/pseuds/icemachine
Summary: Here is a list of everything that Keeg has ever loved:Larry Trainor.
Relationships: Keeg Bovo & Larry Trainor
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19
Collections: Allbingo





	body to the lonely (i've never known a man who loved me)

**Author's Note:**

> today i realized keeg has never known love in at least 60 years, maybe NEVER, and i have so many feelings,
> 
> i listened to [ kerli's cover of nature boy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-K3S6eHX5qM&ab_channel=StevenJackson) on repeat while writing this and it kinda blended in so. recommended listening
> 
> also this is not keeglarry but keeg is in love with larry 1000000% but not romantic. it makes sense to me

Here is a list of everything that Keeg has ever loved:

  * Larry Trainor.



  
  


It is an exhaustive list; Keeg is exhausted; Keeg’s energy is coded with an inherent instinct to love and feel the exhaustion that loving births. Love tiring us out like exhaustive lists, love tiring us out like birdsong  _ there was a very strange enchanted —-  _ like chants in the night, Keeg chanting it like an ancient language, as if Larry’s name is a holy text, as if “Larry Trainor” is a complete prayer, one uttered in uncertain times of terror & in times of worship and devotion & times when Keeg bares their essence to the wailing torture —  _ to love and be loved in return —  _ Larry pressed against shining stained windows and illuminating like Keeg’s unbodied body in the colors flowing in unison with the sunlight & “Larry Trainor” tiring us out by using every muscle to its fullest extent, every limb and joint stretched and quartered —

us.

We, Keeg thinks,  _ us _

Love tiring out our throats like hymnals consisting of two names on repeat. A first and a last and a rebirth, while Keeg thinks over, over, over, over and over,  _ I love you I love you I love you _

_I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_ _I love you I love you I love you_

_ and I love you on purpose _

_ and I love you on purpose _

_ and I don’t want it back until you can direct it towards yourself like the absence of a weapon _

_ and I don’t want to lose you to yourself again _

_ and I love you _

_ and I love you and I love you and I love you. _

And they love him.

These thoughts are fragmented; not unlike their form, these ideas spark and pulse in-out, like each breath in Larry’s chest. They hear things in glass shatters: _nature boy,_ old songs, the desire that Larry holds within him to help, to be useful, sounds like a gunshot breaking through imaginary bone. 

They think in static crackles & hisses that form words and pictures and sentences which always eventually end in  _ love  _ or  _ Larry.  _ Their mind is not linear. Their presence is not linear. The only linear concept is this: before Larry they did not have a purpose, and now they have a purpose.

Larry has  _ wandered very far, over land and sea,  _ and found his way to Keeg through versatility and drifting and now Keeg has a purpose. With Larry, Keeg is whole, an entire being, and without Larry they are powerful but they lack stability. Everything inside of them lacks stability; the only stability they can comprehend is love. Love is the only constant here. Love is the only scar in this shared body. Larry is a full percentage of scars but loving Larry Trainor is something that no one can ever survive.

Keeg continues surviving — leaves it at that — and does not mind.

They have never known a reciprocated love, but they do not mind. The swallowed & chewed truth is that Keeg has never been loved, Keeg has never felt a permanent, ultimate love, but the swallowed & chewed truth is that no one experiences love in the way that Keeg does —  _ to love and be loved in return, oh — oh.  _ Keeg feels love with every extension of their body. Keeg feels love in every sewn-together sputter of their existence, Keeg feels love and feels love and feels love and feels love like terminal illness; Keeg feels love and does not stop feeling love until love stops feeling them.

Keeg has never been loved but they have enough love contained within them, stored inside of their essence eternally to make sure the lights stay on, to make sure that they can outlast the cold winterwar torture of Larry Trainor. 

Keeg has never been loved, but Keeg has been seen and unveiled and stripped into vulnerability & Larry begs  _ what do you want? What do you want from me?  _ (the answer is  _ love aimed into your own heart)  _ & they will grasp and splinter onto this concept of hope that the yearn for clarity within him brings. 

Larry wants to understand them & there are many, many things in the universe that have not known love & Larry does not have to love them. Larry only has to tolerate them.

Keeg does not mind.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah kudos+comment appreciated
> 
> [edit this was for my [ allbingo card](https://icemachine.dreamwidth.org/1731.html), prompt: hopelessly devoted]


End file.
